2002-11-26 9:34 p.m.

i have 40 cotter pins on my desk, because when i bought them i thought they were something different than they have turned out to be. that will show me to fall in love with little bits of hardware when i am supposed just to be buying christmas presents, & wood to make christmas presents, for bean & for others. i very nearly bought the cotter pin starter kit, though, & now i wonder what i would have done with that.

anyway tonight i was watching law&order & the next thing i knew i was waking up & tiger woods was on the television & recko was sleeping on my knees, & the phone was ringing.

on these nights when bean doesn't come home until late, i always forget to eat, & i never get anything done. i wish for jeff's plunkish out-of-tune piano, for a butler to bring me hot beverages at a moment's notice, for it to be christmas already so we can be sitting under all the little lights & i can be giving you your presents & touching your hands.

this afternoon: a little catch in my throat. love, love, love the snow.

a year ago i was reading the two towers. today i got all quivery thinking about how i will probably swoon + pass out, when i see the ents up there on the screen.