you'd think that listening to nick cave would be the last thing i should do in the state of heart i'm in � but sitting here with the darkening sky outside &
no more shall we part coming out at me is surprisingly
edifying. if i could turn
my light off|on, i would turn it off & turn this on & lie on the bed & listen to it until i felt better enough to sit up again. as it is i can't turn my light off
or on & there's no stereo in the bedroom anyway. so you see how that goes.
murmur is posturing in the windowsill conversing with the birds before they (the birds) tuck in for the night in the eaves of the back deck.
today in the mail came two boxes, from jane & from monster. this was also edifying.
& today at work i did my first sonogram. i stood there in my plaid schoolgirl skirt (ahem) & stared at the screen sort of in wonder as she stared at me. what i could see. i am always amazed, like a child, to think of skin as a container, to think of what is in a body, to think that to break myself open would reveal not hollowed-space or something solid & homogenous like an epoxy, but muscles & bones & organs instead. i want to lay myself out on the exam table & gel my entire skin & sono my whole body. look at everything.
i am horribly afraid of x-rays. but that would be different.
something like lightning just seemed to flash outside. but i don't think it was lightning, as it isn't raining, & whatever-it-was came down into the street between my house & the house across the avenue.
