everything is up in the air! i don't know which coin to catch first as they all sort of float, un-coin-ish-ly, about in the air.
(i only say "coin" because that's the word i've assigned to the concept of my individual issues, & i did that such a while ago that i hate to let go of it. even if coins don't float about in the air.)
(also with the idea of my having coins comes the grand reward: getting to use the word numismatic, which i learned on a syndicated episode of law & order & which i have been carting around with me ever since.)
anyway among other things i have put my hyperactive-cathexis-y self back into therapy. i'd been surviving just fine without therapy for three years, largely by relying on my friends who, variably, pointed out when i needed to get over it, or let me cry when i wasn't ready to yet. failing that, i would just let the part of my brain that does my job sit down with the part of my brain that cries all the time & force them to talk to each other.
apparently this sort of thing will only get you so far & in my case it got me three years.
(also, i really can't remember now why we started this, but at kenyon jojo & i called the counsellors there les lizards.)
in other shut-up-+-heal-thyself news, i finally went back to st francis yesterday. the whole place smelled of lilies & the room was bright because the sky outside was bright, even if you couldn't see the sky. occasionally a bird would fly past the big stained-glass of saint margaret mary receiving the vision of the sacred heart, & i would think there was a bird flying through the transept. not its moving shadow flying over saint margaret mary's bowed head.
& jane was here last week to eat deliciously & to buy a thousand books at bean's store.
& mischka taught me a thing or two about statistics & pointed out that i should care about things like probability. i think i might like it a lot better if the rules had better names, instead of "the addition rule" & "the multiplication rule" & "the fundamental rule of counting."
i am reading the man who ate everything by jeffrey steingarten, because she told me to. she should have told all you all to, as well.
