now that i am finally home i am finding it difficult to let myself back down. i think my eyelids are glued open permanently. i feel a little shellshocked & not in that pleasant dance-y new-order-ish kind of way.
i had this weird fugue moment near the end of the day at work where i was talking on the phone to this woman in spanish, & suddenly some part of my brain stepped back to take in the situation & from then on i could feel the split. ::::i couldn't understand a single word the woman was saying & she was saying her words very quickly, but then i would open my mouth & words came out & then she would say more words & it was like i was just standing there watching my d�ppelganger/autopilot starring in a movie without subtitles. i had no idea my autopilot could speak spanish. but i can tell you that my autopilot speaks spanish with an atrocious accent, flat & north american.
:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:i just want to make myself a huge amount of tea & strip down & hide in my bed with tea & some novel i have read before ten times, the secret history or gut symmetries or jane eyre. i suppose at some point i should make dinner, but i will cross that sustenance-y bridge when i get to it.
my bed is surrounded by books on three sides & it is the most comfortable place in the world. all the lights in the room are blue. there is nothing softer or less like that weird autopilot day i had at work, the kind of day that makes you want a glass full of gin, even on an empty stomach.
:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:tonight there will be an ice storm. i wish it were postponed just one more night. i have thursday off: bean will make cuban food (congr�, tostones) in early honor of my birthday & jeff will join us for comida & for cake afterward. it would be nice to be snowed in for it.
next year for my birthday i want us to go down to my parents' cabin. i want it to snow & i want us to be safe inside, with my parents & my brother too, & i want more cuban food & more cake, & cutthroat games of parcheesi by the fire. i don't even think there's a fireplace. so probably cutthroat games of parcheesi by the space-heater.
