i like to say things to myself like, oh i would write
more slash
better slash
just fine if i had a new pen. + nothing gets done.
anyway last night i fell asleep before ten o'clock, stretched out on the bed: one second watching a law+order i had somehow not seen before, the next jerking out of a bad dream about trying to stop a wedding.
i also have a very vague memory of bean's mom calling, which involves sort-of rising out of sleep to mumble things in spanish to bean, who was very excited because the news was, is, that her (bean's) brother is going to be assigned to a job here for eight months. her voice was bouncing up + down in spanish. this morning i called her from work to make sure that i hadn't dreamt the entire thing.
:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:i was going to write in elaborate detail, but changed my mind, about the creepy man who approached me yesterday & introduced himself as a hand+foot photographer, who asked me could he photograph my hands+feet (i have weird hands & ugly feet) & then after i finally took his damned number & walked relieved away: started following me down high street. ("don't worry," he had said, "just so you know there's nothing lurid or erotic about it, it's just pictures." he had sample glossy proofs of his work.)
so i kept walking, stayed on the clinic cell phone with mischka until 12th ave at which point i was pretty sure he was no longer following me. when i got home i was sweaty & crying but i calmed down & let bean read to me & ate two pickles & felt better.
:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:here is something i said to mischka today: "plants are pretty, in that sense. i mean they are easy to draw. i mean if you dissect them they are not so complicated."
when i was younger i was really fond of the long digression in the bell jar when esther/sylvia talks about the botany class she took at school, all the diagrams of plant anatomy. secretly i wanted to take botany classes too: just some more pretty things to look at, some more words to learn.
