finally a day so gorgeous i don't have to cover myself up with headphones + music to get to work. i slept in late, stretched my feet out to the corners of the bed without bean in it, took a bath, threw on red pants + orange shirt neither of which match the reds + oranges in my veryfaded hair. i am an extravagant Clash of Fashion. i am stuck indoors at work; i came in late & am the only one here. i am considering propping the back door open & sitting on the fire escape, reading & ducking inside only to answer the phones.
on my way to work in the middle of the morning i looked at the tops of all the buildings & at the sky that spread out past them. when it stops being grey the sky here is this gorgeous alien living thing & i leaned against the bus window with no music in my ears trying to imagine what your sky will be like in montana. & i cannot imagine it.
it is like last night when i went to st francis last night to hang out with the neophytes & to be glad i don't have to go through catechesis again, & they were all talking about the Resurrection while i sat quietly thinking of kierkegaard & the kinds of physics mischka used to explain to me late at night in my dorm room. they talked about heaven. i don't think about heaven. i can't bring myself to care. i can't think about heaven or whales or the light in venice or the color of the amazon or jupiter's magnetosphere. i have thought of all these things today but i cannot hold them in my head like holding an egg in my hand: i cannot turn them around & say, "yes. yes."
i am giddy / can you tell. my skin feels electric under my fashion-clash & even though i like to accentuate the pale skin i inherited from iceland|ireland: i am going to go outside. i am going to sit outside on the fire escape & bake & read & hope the phone never rings. i am going to leave early & stare at the sky.
that bit about the egg: i stole it from a neruda poem. the alcachofa one.
