oh yes someone found me by searching for "hushhush." a sight better than all those people looking for "underage girls." watch, now i will get
more.
outside it has been dark all day. but now i am tucked into my studio, out of the not-very-cold,-but-kind-of-depressing rain, falling in love with the new live mark kozelek cd which arrived for me at work today. all afternoon it sat on my desk in its rained-on padded envelope & i sat staring at it in my odd free moments until finally i launched myself out into the rain for the extra-long bus ride home. & now it is so good to sit & absorb it.
with candles lit up, even.
plenty of woodworking to do this evening, i should be going to long's to get kraft paper for bean, but it is raining outside & it is so nice to be home, there is wood to be stained, fuck how dismal it is outside, i've got things to build.
& i so love being the kind of woman who can walk into a hardware store & belong in it. all the other women are there to get poinsettias & a new garden hose. i like being the kind of woman who knows what kind of wood she wants & how she will cut it at home, who makes a beeline to the dremel bits to discuss with bean which one would be the best for the job.
what i said yesterday to m______ & t___ as i was rattling off a more hyper, highly-gesticulated version of the above: who needs sex, i have a handsaw, i have things to build�
(& oh there is this great bit in some lyn hejinian poem which i suddenly cannot find which says, "it's true I like to go to hardware stores and browse on detail," only with punctuation & line breaks which i cannot verify & therefore will not put in, but as i am looking i find all these other great bits of long lyn hejinian poems & oh, addie, do you know, did she ever finish the book of a thousand eyes because i sure never did see it)
maybe it is all the sugar. or maybe it is the i don't know what but i have been up for almost two weeks & a girl could get used to this, i will say again what i have said before, knock wood let this keep up.
in totally unrelated news::: when i called boston last night in a fit of caffeine & mixtape-induced excitement, addie told me my kentucky accent is coming back. & this is one of the best things of the whole winter. this weekend h_____ kept asking me, do you like living in ohio, & i just stared ahead blankly at all the grey in front of me & said, i don't know, over & over each time he asked me.
