after i read
bee season yesterday i found it hard to blink. i walked around shaken & dazed. i felt un-grounded so i walked to
the boys' house & tried to sit still.
(so that is how i didn't go to see the faint, so if you were wondering, now you know.)
after what bee season & oscar and lucinda and the fortunate fall and whatever else i've been reading in the past couple of weeks � after what that has done, bean told me last night that i am not allowed to keep reading. i don't know if she means a)until the end of the month or b)until i feel better or c)ever ever ever. still. this morning i woke up early & started reading chris's copy of infinite jest which, although physically large enough to keep all cats out of my lap while reading (this is possibly-good & possibly-bad), seems not to have any effect on my ability to blink, or to keep my hands still, or to string together sentences at a normal speaking pace.
:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:last night i called my brother because i had missed several phone calls of his. we sang to each other over the phone. he is coming to visit. we will teach him (bean & i) how to cook.
last night bean & i lay awake in bed a long time talking about this diary. how she doesn't read it but wants to start. how it will change when she does. (how it has already changed, today, the possibility she will read this tonight after work, or tomorrow after i have left in the morning.) i don't know why it needs to change. but it will, despite that.
now as i write this murmur is pressing her head against the green instep of my boot. i like it when the cats are as needy as i am. i like when reckoning is frustrated by her inability to share my lap with a 1029-page david foster wallace book, & decides instead to sort of slump against my arm.
:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:what i just read, just now, at chrome.diary-x.com:
And I've lost the ability to focus or write or walk in a straight line, because suddenly I'm not well. I hate when this happens.
now i am going to take off my boots & put myself into bed with the book & the cats & forestall cleaning the house because it is so nice to have the day off, even today.
but my priest says / you ain't saving no souls / my father says / you ain't making any money / my doctor says / you just pushed it to the limit / and here i stand / with my SWORD IN MY HAND ...:::.tori.amos.::.
