19.VIII.2001 :::: 14.52

i dreamt last night that i was at mass & when i walked back to my seat with the host in my mouth i noticed luke, with his gangly limbs sticking out into the aisle, sort of grinning up at me. & that he followed me all about, like a ghost, until i wanted to rip out his hair.

do i know what this means? do you?

when i came home this morning i ate one-fourth of the sugar cookie dough i had made up & frozen. when that made me sick i changed my clothes & left the house.