[[i didn't know she had such long hair. but she's cute.]]
what kind of world have i been having. >>>like this: on wednesday i shot myself out of bed put on the ugly teal scrubs got my tupperwared-lunch & went out the door into the very gorgeous barely-chill morning. & i walked around for a bit & it suddenly occurred to me, ricka you can't go to work today. you would be useless & sad & your low freak-out tolerance would really really drag you down. >>so i walked over to the old house, let myself in, woke mischka up can-i-use-your-phone & called in sick & crashed at his house all morning.
why???
& yet for once i could revel in the fact that someone (mischka) was Dropping Everything To Take Care Of Me.
& then instead of going to Mystagogia 101 i stayed home & made dinner with bean while listening to this american life & then read bits of the golden compass out loud to each other & then watched good eats & yes unfortunately it is very good to skip all one's obligations.
& of course addictive. how easily.
i think that maybe on wednesday for the first time i was afraid of my workplace. every day i am nervous about it: about unlocking the door, while strangers sit in cars in the parking lot waiting for us to open, & here i am very vulnerable with the key in my hand, opening the door as quickly as i can & scooting in & shutting it quickly behind me just in case today is the day that someone shows up with a gun. so there is that. there is always. but maybe the other day i was afraid of putting all my energy out there into the air & oh heavens what will happen to that energy once it is floating in that antisepticked air? �or maybe i just needed sleep & company.
anyway yesterday was my brother's birthday & i didn't say it then so i will say it now: happy birthday hermanito
& oh remember i love you jeff erika sylvia becky. i will be there to watch you shake oden's hand. prepare to tear up, most likely against your better will, when someone sings �kokosing farewell� yes yes i'm warning you.
