i like the portuguese word:
annun�ao.
today is one of those days, low & crooked fingers in my ears besides (thanks chris). when i got home i had this achingly absurd feeling that if i dyed & re-dyed my hair, spent all afternoon with my head soaking it up, it would blacken beyond belief|recognition & something would be oh-kay.
this morning it was bitterly cold. i wore mittens & listened to a copy of a tape i gave ananikko for valentine's day in 1995. yes i was like that. & i had forgotten what it was like to have hair this short this shorn with the wind blowing through downtown at quite-below-freezing. at all of the bus stops where i wait on the way to wherever, there are dried-out bits of orange peel. i didn't put them there & i wonder who did. who is following me with oranges after all.
suddenly i don't know when was the last time i held something in my hands & read it, besides liner notes or pieces of mail. the beginning of l'�tranger, last week. my copy is beaten-up & gorgeous, it lives in my tiny ammo bag that matches the tiny ammo bag i gave mischka for the new year.
at 5.12 on sunday morning bean woke me up & said she had been awake tossing since two. so i forced myself up to make her chamomile tea (probably too weak to hurt you) & by the time the tea was ready i was feeling high-up + silly. we sat awake & i kept threatening to break out the nail polish: to have a slumber party kind of feel. then i crashed at 6.53 & slept until the alarm went off so i could go to mass & look around myself bleary-eyed & hazy.
what else happened this weekend.- we made carrot+parsnip-filled tortellini for beck+bee (i'll send you the recipe, you wanted vegan pasta know-how) & ate with them & introduced them to the joys of iron chef, conger eel battle too.
- we went to three different suburbs in efforts to find electronics.
- we invited the boys over for fun with previously-mentioned electronics, & for more tortellini mayhem.
- watched most of the oscars with the boys. chris & i made lecherous|adoring (take yer pick) comments about all the crushworthy women. we like all the same girls.
- watched the rest of the oscars, & bitched predictably about them, after the boys left.
tonight i feel still empty. i am going to fill the stereo with kristen hersh & cowboy junkies & withering-away nick drake. & i am going to sit in the living room on the red couch & think very hard about everything. it is almost easter & suddenly i find i have given up more than i had thought i would. i know what i'm leaving behind, i know what i love.
i won't go anywhere
nice for a while / all
i want to do is just
sit here / and write
it all down and rest
for a while
|.sin�ad o'connor.|
